What men want

After 8 odd years of marriage, I've finally discovered what men want. No, it isn't sex...though obviously that's always welcome..but I'm going to write about that another time.

After men get older, get married & have children (ha, ha ha suckers !!!), what these poor folks crave for is a good night's rest. Apparently its not so easy to get. I'm not surprised. Why, even in our family, our favorite game is musical beds. Yes, we play it every night. First Akrit & Neil go to sleep in their bed; and husband & I in ours. Then Neil calls out in the middle of the night (typically 1 am) - Mummy! tum here... neil wan' water / kaka / pee-pee / thomething. I get up, we have water / food /do pee pee or thomething; & then I find neil in my bed, usually between husband & me.
By 3 am its Akrit's turn. Ma! Ma ! Come here ! Right now ! I'm having a bad dream ! Scold bhagwanji (bhagwanji= god), tell him to give me good sapnas (sapna= dream). So I get up to go cuddle with Akrit, leaving Neil with hubband.
By 4 am, Neil has kicked husband for maybe the nth time (n tends to infinity by husband's accounts the next morning; but is probably 2 or 3 in reality); so husband moves to Akrit's bed. Of course, since I'm still there, its a tad crowded, so Akrit decided to leave & go to sleep with Neil in the big bed.
By 6 am, the kids have started fighting in their sleep. Daddddyyyyy, mmaaaaaa. Wake up, bhaiya pushing.... but neil hit me first & so on.... By 7, we're all up, kids happy; and us with dark black clouds looming on our heads...

Incidentally, if you lost track, that's what we call the game of Musical beds... Since this seemed to happen very often, I was concerned. Since this was a situation that didnt seem to have a cure, I thought of giving my husband a I looked for the next best thing that men could want.

I spoke to men, lots of men (...of course I had fun. What made you think otherwise!) ; and I figured that what they would never say no to are time-outs.

Time outs, you ask? Yes, time outs. Time out = a state when you're banished to your room & during that time no one is allowed to talk to you. Yeah, even I thought that time-out is a sort of punishment. My kids just hate it. Who wouldn't ? imagine, being left alone? not being allowed to talk? But men, no they just love it !
Men are quite strange creatures, I find. I mean, why would one want to escape a noisy, nagging, talkative wife, squabbling kids, constant jumps on the tummy while he's relaxing, the perpetual noise from the squeaky voices of mickey mouse, barney & thomas & dora & little einsteins while he's trying to read, the loving calls of dadddddy while he's watching a movie.... Why would anyone want to sit by the pool to enjoy the breeze, to watch the clouds go by with a chilled beer in his hand, while he tries to work out what's the best place to take a nap....all this fails me, you know...Its just so darn unnatural...
But then I believe men are from Mars, so this must be a martian thing. Then I learned something new - Men like two elements of time - one, time out (but we've talked about that already) and two, the Time magazine. With my huge research (with a sample size = 1 husband, mine), I discovered - Give a man both the times - a time out to read Time.......And, ooohh, baby, you hit the jackpot - you many as well go and shop for a big, big rock...

So ladies, pick up a new issue of the Time magazine, and get your shopping lists ready. See you at one utama


Anonymous said...

AA - are you reading? Vin

Life 2.0 said...

Hahahahah, the bedtime issue. My husband and I thought we were just outstanding parents when our first child slept through the night by the second month and we padded ourselves on the back for about 2 years, then our second child was born and he did not and will not sleep through the night. Hence, he slept in bed with us(something I swore up and down would NEVER happen).

The issue of bedtime gave me such anxiety that I kept my daughter in her crib until she could no longer fit into it AND the first night she was in a bed - she walked into our room at 2am and demanded to be allowed into our bed.

That was about 2 years ago and we are still playing musical beds to this day(night)!!

My friends that do not have children, do not understand the crazed look on my sleep deprived face and I think, your time will come.