I wonder -
- if I'll get invited to the party of the year
- if someone wants to give me a job
- when will husband have time to take me out for lunch
- if i'll ever ever have a flat tummy again.
- when will someone teach me the tricks of makeup
- whether I'm allowed to be rude to people I don't like
- why do I write in bullet points and not in paragraphs
- why did god not make me into a goddess - I'm neither rich nor beautiful !!!
- whether people will still talk to me if I tell them what I really think of them ?
- whether tomorrow my friends will kill me for a crappy blog

I wonder...
How do I feel today?
I feel excitement, exhilaration; I feel accomplishment. Today is one of the days I can not forget in my entire life.... Today is the day I swam unattended and unassisted for more than half the pool length.

To most people I'm sure its no big deal; but to understand my happiness you have to know the fear that existed with me all this while. I'm 36 years old and all my life I have wished I could swim. I saw people jumping into the pool, kids & adults squealing with the joy of being in water; and only envied them from a distance....

Why? Well, ever since I can remember I've had this fear of water that just multiplied as I grew older. And with fear of water, let's face it, swimming is a non-option. Even though I've been learning to be in the pool for the last 1 year, I never could let go of my fear long enough to forgo the floats and the noodles and go solo.

So what happened today? I don't know. I really don't. But for some strange reason, I just decided to give it a try; and I did it. I could stay afloat in water, i could glide, I could kick and propel myself through the water... I felt free and alive and complete. I felt equal to the people around me. I was no longer self-conscious or defensive or wanting to fade into the water and the pool.

It makes me happy. It makes me feel proud...proud that I have taken another step in trying to conquer what I thought was impossible.

I'm happy. I'm exhilarated. I'm free...

I'm back

A long hiatus... what to do, I was on holiday...

But now I'm back. Back to being at home, and hopefully back to writing as well