To go back or not ?

Every once in a while I am (like hopefully a whole lot of other expats) struck by this choice - whether or not to go back to the home country. Either there's a job offer or there is family. I've been thinking about my choices for a while; and even after repeated conversations with self, I've decided to stick on where I am rather than go back.

While on a rational basis I am very comfortable with my decision, I do get these twinges of guilt. Both my kids are more familiar with cities of Malaysia than with India. I'm struggling to teach Prof. Hindi. They don't see the extended family much; and aren't particularly clued on to all their cousins. They don't know India - its richness and diversity and all the things which make me insanely proud to be Indian. They hold Indian passports but have no reason to associate themselves with India.

And don't I worry about what I'll do when our parents become a little older and a little feebler? How will I provide support sitting thousands of miles away ? Maid troubles. Trips to doctors. Day to Day struggles of life.

Could I have solved these problems for them if I were in India ? May be not...but sometimes the physical distances are overwhelming.

And then I wonder, do I have the right or not to make my own life? To give it my fullest ? As my responsibility to myself ? Lead life as (maybe) destiny intended me to live?

I think I should have that right. To make life as varied and comfortable for myself and my family. How is my move any different from a farmer migrating from a village to a city.

In my opinion, life is all about seeking newer opportunities, about exploring a new way of life. Once you have that, there's a comparison with the old (may be unconsciously) and then a coming-to-terms with what fits with you and what doesn't. You can't have it all and its necessary to make your peace with what you have and what you can't.

I am convinced that my life works for me. Fortunately. :)