Musings in KL

An ode to my dad

2011-11-26T08:08:00.001+08:00

I write this for my dad.

I’ve been meaning to write about him for a very long while; partly to openly acknowledge the difference he’s made to my life and partly as a way to count my own blessings at (what I think) is a difficult phase in my life.

Daddy, the one single thing that repeatedly stands out in my life; which I’ve gotten fron you is opportunity. Never even once in my life did you make me feel that as a girl I was inferior or different from both the Bhaiyas. You have consistently looked at me as a person and not as a girl. You paid attention to my capabilities; and the thought of limiting me in what I wanted to do, perhaps never came to you… or may be, if it did, you dealt with it and didn’t let it show. How many of my friends were able to leave home to work in a factory? None. Most studied, and then were politely told that they could work, as long as they found a job that was at home…

The conversation that stands out most in my mind is one we had a few days before I left home. You asked me if my job in a factory was something I really really wanted. And when I said yes, you let me go to make my own life, my own mistakes, and learn.

You’ve always been so proud of me, having more faith in me than I had. And time & again, I seem to surprise myself, but never you. And I wonder why is it so? How is it that you’ve been able to see something in me that I cant see myself.

And yet, I see no greater critic of me than you. You push me, and you prod me, and we fight; but then somehow it just makes me analyse myself and try to do better. And every step along the way, the thought that keeps me going is whether what I’m doing will make me stand tall and proud.

The other thing I must thank you for is the utter disregard for superstition; and the utmot regard for work ethic. No one in our family has ever been superstitious… and isnt that a great thing. As I grew up and interacted with different people, I learned to understand how much superstitions were a part of their lives. But us? Well, we never worried about the black cat, or about buying metal or oil on Saturdays, or about 13 or about 3 or it being a unluck day or week or month, about the million other things people worry about. All we knew was that if work was to be done, it was to be done…and today and now were as “good” a day or time as we would ever get.

And then there is acceptance. You've been able to accept deviations from me that are very much in conflict with your own inner value system - bad language, unwillingness to go to the mandir; or go out and meet people; or introducing my kids to meat (sacrilegious!!). You've let your disapproval show (very openly too !) but you've let me be me. A person who has her own opinions, her own choices and her own life. Has it been because of how rebellious I've always been and it was too tedious to fight me? I dont know, but i'm happy that you let me be myself.

Everyone tells me I look like you, I walk like you and I certainly talk like you. I like to think I inherited my need to travel from you. Quite a bit of who I am is shaped by your influence (and of course mummy’s too, but that is an ode for another day). There is many a day that I wish I was more like you. You’ve constantly inspired me to be a better person and a better parent; and there is no greater gift than that. Continue your place in my life and my heart; and be my father in every single birth that I have.

A Saturday out of my life

2011-11-26T08:07:00.004+08:00

I did this post a good 6 months ago on my facebook. For some reason, I haven't shifted it to the blog. Better late then never...so here it is

Play driver take the kids to baseball
Gab with other mums there
Crib about the kids
About how we're struggling
About how they misbehave
Make plans
Plans that will probably never come true
Plans for dancing lessons
Plans for a holiday together

Come back and head for the hairdresser
Get something done to your hair
Frantically hope it will make you look better
Better, smarter, hotter, sexier
Then realize probably nothing can make you look hotter or sexier, so settle for neater
Lose your mind sitting there
through all those chemicals in your hair
Smile and pretend you're loving every minute
Know that the reality is that you'll pay to run away
Read the magazines over and over again
The make up tricks
The hot colors of the season
the "easy as pie" recipes
Come home armored with some goodies
Because you are oh-so-sure that this time they will not be left in a corner, forgotten
That this time, you'll use them all
The eye cream to get rid of the dark circles
The face cream to hydrate the skin
The conditioner that will make you hair look as if it was ten years younger
The dash of wax to give your hair that extra edge...

Come home, feeling good
Feeling wonderful and beautiful
Have your son open the door and say
What on earth did you do Ma
I don't like this
I liked the old one better
You smile and pat his head and say
It's okay
Actually you think
What does this 7 year old know about hair styles
So what if he's clear about what looks nice on his mother
You're convinced his mother DOES look nice

Then you go to the mall
To buy the little one some shoes
And yourself a really nice perfume
The big one wants to play
And not worry about the shoes
After all HE doesn't need them
So there are tears and tantrums
And the parents thundering and threatening
You con the kids and buy the shoes
Then your perfume
Madam what would you like?
A hint of spice?
Or white flowers with blah blue and blah
Never realizing that madam has no idea
She's expecting her nose to guide.
Much ado about everything
Things are bought
Hey hold on!
There's a 50 ringgit voucher free
Catch?
You have to spend it immediately.
Take 2 rounds of the mall
Coz you don't want to buy anything that will make you shell out more than 20 bucks
Aargh
You snap at the husband
And at the world
Your feet are hurting and you wanna go home
You suddenly realize that you're no longer in the category of "shoppers never stop"
You're older
You're tired-er ( is there a word like that?)
You think
You fume
And then you just blame the husband and the kids
After all isnt everything husband's fault?
Dont his genes in your children not cause you trouble everyday
When it's time to go to school
Or to eat the food
Or when it's time to eat the veggies
Or behave?
All these bad genes are from husband
So of course it's your husband's fault.
For what? You ask!
Well, I've forgotten but whatever it was
It's the husband's fault

The day ends with you sitting on the couch
Watching some rubbish on tv
Patting a kid to sleep
You crib
There's nothing to watch on tv
Not a book to read
Yes there are plenty of books on the bookshelf
But there's nothing really to read
What a day you say
Lemme just go to bed
The kids are there in their own bed
Sleeping
Like angels that they aren't
You get into bed
Cuddle with them
then one of them kicks you
And you run back to your own bed
The husband is there
You go and cry on his shoulder a while
He hugs you and cuddles
He doesn't scream at you for being a crazy bitch all evening
He knows it's all his fault anyway
You cuddle up
Thank your lucky stars for this wonderful guy
Even though his genes aren't all that great
And you fall asleep
Hopefully ready to face another day

An ode to my boss

2010-11-29T20:47:00.006+08:00

What should a boss do

Teach
Guide
Be fair
Appreciate
Lead
Inspire
Take care
Protect
Listen
Fight for his people

Boss, You did all of this. For me. If you ever read this, please know that you've been one of the best bosses I ever had. All the very best.

Questions Questions

2010-11-29T20:34:00.004+08:00

Discussion between Son (aged 7) with Mother (aged "you've got to be kidding me!!!")

Time: 5 minutes before falling asleep. AFTER prayers. AFTER bed time story. AFTER threats.

"Ma, how long did you take to find daddy ?"

I married him within a year of meeting him

"No, Ma...How long did you wander around before you found daddy and married him?""

5 years

"You took 5 YEARS TO FIND DADDY? Hmmm, You didn't give up, did you ?"

.....

Looking through the Crystal Ball

2010-08-20T19:46:00.004+08:00

How I'd like to see my future unfold

Grow old together with the Lord & Master
Be able to excite each other - physically, intellectually & emotionally
See my kids grow up happy & confident to take on the world - much like I was (ahem!)
Be healthy & financially independent
Be able to read books, watch plays, travel & explore the world
Be able to support my kids - not financially but definitely emotionally
Have good friends to spend an uncomplicated evening with- don't need too many; but need good ones
Be able to maintain the closeness I share with my brothers

Too much to ask for? Should I have said healthy, wealthy & wise?

Hmmm, I don't know; but I think not!

Trouble Ahead

2010-08-20T19:43:00.004+08:00

Going through turmoil in my life

I can see a road sign - Trouble ahead. Take care.

I know strife is good for you. I know it builds character

I know we look at strife as a way when God is testing you.

My one submission to God.

My character is built enough.

Stop all this testing.

Let me see something positive. Soon

Please!

Books are the bane of my life

2010-08-20T19:41:00.002+08:00

Books are the bane of my life

Books don't let me sleep

Books dont let me play

I burn the food, I allow the milk to overflow

I don't want to talk to my husband

or the kids

or the neighbours

I don't want to walk

or run or exercise

I don't make my bed

I don't sleep

I am late for work

I dont pick up calls

I don't want to cuddle

I don't care if you've eaten or not

or if you want something to drink.

Books are why my son ignores me

and my husband too

They tell me go away & not appear

till they have finished their reading

They don't want to chat

or go out & play

or tell me what they did all day

Books make me aware

Books make me wonder

Books make me think, think thoughts sometimes I'd much rather not think

Books make me yearn to have more, more & some more

When I don't have books

I read brochures

I read menus

I read recipes

Why, I even found myself reading the fineprint

Tell me again why books are good for you?

Books are the bane of my life.

Time...

2010-04-21T09:36:00.002+08:00

...for another review of my life.

Do you have a job?

Yes

Does it pay ?

Yes :)

Do you have a family you care for ?

Yes

Do you struggle with your kids ?

YES !!!

Do you struggle with your husband ?

Don't you?

Do you struggle with the maid ?

Are you nuts? What if she decides to leave me?

Can you cook?

Yes!

Do people eat what you cook?

Ye--es! Most of the time

Do you read?

Yes. Mostly trash lately.

Do you travel?

Not as much as I'd like to

Do you have enough money?

No!!

Enough fame?

No ! damn! damn! damn!

Do you have enough to do what you want to do?

Yes :P

Are you content with life?

Yes I am...

CEO spake

2010-03-04T10:14:00.003+08:00

My 3. 5 year old CEO said to me this morning, and I repeat it verbatim -

Do you think you think you can drive me to school today. I can't drive yet.

I'm still smiling

Surprise

2010-03-02T12:55:00.002+08:00

I leave work on time.
I get caught in a traffic jam. I am swearing - I want to get home soon.
And I come to the reason for the traffic jam.
Its a snake - at least 2 meters long and 10-12" thick.
It isn't moving. Just lying there. Looks dead.
But no one is taking a chance. No one wants to run it over. I don't blame them. I too drive around it very carefully, hoping something will cause me to stop there so that I can take a picture. Nothing does & I'm forced to drive away.
But my irritation has disappeared, only to be replaced by wonder.
What a majestic creature it was.
How did it land up on a crowded road in the evening ?
Will I ever see a sight like this again in my life ?

2010-02-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Its 8:45 pm and I'm still at work
Annoyed.
Mad.
Irritated.

Not because I have work to finish; but because my work depends on others and they
- start after work after 1100 am
- waste time until lunch on gmail/ facebook / stupid discussions
- take 2 hour lunches
- start being productive only at 3:00pm

How the heck am I to finish up at 5:00 or 6:00 pm?

Did I finish?

2010-02-22T09:34:00.003+08:00

yes !! I managed to do all I sought out to do over the weekend.
:)
:)
:)

Plans for the weekend

2010-02-19T17:38:00.003+08:00

take kids for a Chinese New Year Lion Dance before the shows stop playing
take husband out for dinner - tomorrow's the 10th anniversary of the day we were engaged
buy clothes
buy vegetables and groceries
sleep, time permitting
attend the dance class after a break of almost 2 months
take Prof to his baseball class

God! I almost don't want the weekend. Weekdays are so much easier.

Thank You

2010-02-19T17:33:00.003+08:00

Quality of time that I spend with my kids has improved though the amount of time I spend with them has dramatically gone down.
I find myself cuddling them a little more; being a little more patient and screaming a lot lesser.
I like the fact that m boys run to give me a hug and a cuddle as soon as I'm back from work; or that they wait for me when I am back late.

They tell me they want time from me; and when I make the time to read a book or to tell a story or just cuddle before I tuck them in bed; they appreciate it

I'm so lucky... I enjoy the work I'm doing; and everyone in the family is coping well :)

Is your Car a Cow ?

2010-02-07T22:25:00.004+08:00

CEO can still not pronounce the sound of "R" very well. He replaces it with the sound of "O"...
Being a boy, he's very fascinated with cars; and frequently has conversations with his father about our car -

Daddy, where is your cao?
Daddy, how fao can your cao go ?
Daddy, can I drive your cao ?
Daddy, why don't you have a blue cao ? I don't like silver...

This reminds me of my nephew, Karan, who could not produce the sound of "S" and replaced it with "F". Obviously we had fun -

Do you want "foff" with your food
Can you "fart" the "footer"
I want to do "fu-fu" & potty...
The "fun" is "fining" in the "fy"

Oh... this takes me back. I almost want CEO to continue a bit longer...just so that I can make sure how fao does my cao go!

Jealousy

2010-02-07T22:17:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel CEO is getting too attached to Kaka, my helper at home.

There's no denying that they both have a soft corner for each other - more than they have for others...
I like to think I'm a pretty secure human being; but I must confess that sometimes I do feel left out and jealous...But at 3, CEO is too small to be able to understand that he can incite these feelings in me...
My only way to cope is to talk to myself rationally; and use a dialogue from the movie - "The Sound of Music" :
You have a great capacity to love, Maria ! Just because you love this man, does not mean you love God any less...

And I tell myself... Just because my son loves Kaka; it doesn't mean he loves me any less !

I hope I am right...

Rain

2010-02-07T22:10:00.002+08:00

Today, happened to look out of the window of my apartment; and was thrilled to see rain approaching.
Yes, I'm not kidding. In Malaysia, you can actually see rain approaching. Specially if its a really heavy downpour.
In less than 3 minutes, 1-Utama shopping Mall had disappeared from sight. Visibility fell to less than 100 meters; and all you could see was rain...

45 minutes later, the sun was shining with the vengeance. If you didn't see the wetness of the trees and the buildings and the road; you'd swear that it had never rained.
There's no waterlogging. No puddles. No drains overflowing.
Just a sense that everything around you has just had a bath.
Just lush greenery.

One of the many reasons that I love Malaysia...

What happened ?

2010-02-04T15:05:00.004+08:00

Actually, lots in the last 2 months...
but that's not the reason I stopped blogging.
I just got lazy!

I now have a job...
So instead of whining about being unemployed, I just whine about struggling to cope between home & office.

But in other ways, my life has taken a sharp turn -

FROM "how to steal time for myself" TO "how to maximize time with kids"
FROM "how to control my shopping" TO "how to make time for shopping"
FROM "I made cake / bread / food / whatever" TO "When will I ever cook again"
FROM "Hi, Friend !! " TO "Hi stranger!!"
FROM "Daily exercising" TO "What? Exercising ???"
FROM " I hope kids go to bed early today" TO "Why didn't they wait for me to tuck them in bed ??"
FROM "Screaming at kids" TO " Screaming at team"
FROM "Make up once in a year" TO "Make up daily"
FROM "Having fun at home" TO "Having fun at work!"

:) :) :)
Happy !!

To go back or not ?

2009-12-02T08:14:00.003+08:00

Every once in a while I am (like hopefully a whole lot of other expats) struck by this choice - whether or not to go back to the home country. Either there's a job offer or there is family. I've been thinking about my choices for a while; and even after repeated conversations with self, I've decided to stick on where I am rather than go back.

While on a rational basis I am very comfortable with my decision, I do get these twinges of guilt. Both my kids are more familiar with cities of Malaysia than with India. I'm struggling to teach Prof. Hindi. They don't see the extended family much; and aren't particularly clued on to all their cousins. They don't know India - its richness and diversity and all the things which make me insanely proud to be Indian. They hold Indian passports but have no reason to associate themselves with India.

And don't I worry about what I'll do when our parents become a little older and a little feebler? How will I provide support sitting thousands of miles away ? Maid troubles. Trips to doctors. Day to Day struggles of life.

Could I have solved these problems for them if I were in India ? May be not...but sometimes the physical distances are overwhelming.

And then I wonder, do I have the right or not to make my own life? To give it my fullest ? As my responsibility to myself ? Lead life as (maybe) destiny intended me to live?

I think I should have that right. To make life as varied and comfortable for myself and my family. How is my move any different from a farmer migrating from a village to a city.

In my opinion, life is all about seeking newer opportunities, about exploring a new way of life. Once you have that, there's a comparison with the old (may be unconsciously) and then a coming-to-terms with what fits with you and what doesn't. You can't have it all and its necessary to make your peace with what you have and what you can't.

I am convinced that my life works for me. Fortunately. :)

Huh ?

2009-11-16T17:11:00.005+08:00

I like nature trips because they are such good fun in such little money.

Thinking ...
I LIKE nature trips because they are such good fun in such little money ?
Huh? Ye--es

or
I like NATURE trips because they are such good fun in such little money.
Yes

or
I like nature trips because they are SUCH GOOD FUN in such little money.
Yes

or
I like nature trips because they are such good fun in SUCH LITTLE MONEY.
OOOOH Yes!

(cheep cheep ! cheap cheap !!)

A little less than a Stranger?

2009-11-09T11:06:00.003+08:00

Have you ever wondered that there are so many people in our life who we don't know, yet we know. The milkman, the paper delivery boy, the cashier who works at the neighbourhood grocery, the vegetable vendor, and so on...

And what about the people you pass by regularly. People who cross your way as you both exercise everyday. Or the people you meet in the lift at office or at home.

Are these people strangers ? Well, of course they are ! They aren't even simple acquaintances. You don't know their names or what they do. Whether they are married or single; with or without kids. You have no idea where they live. You are clueless about their life; what makes them happy or sad. And you definitely won't be okay if your kid walked away with one of them.

Yet in other ways these people aren't totally strangers. They aren't faceless. You acknowledge their presence with a smile; and sometimes not at all; but you soon start recognizing them. You somehow seem to expect them and when they are missing, you're startled. You take a moment to stop and wonder what happened to them - why aren't they where they should be at this time ? Is something the matter ?

So who are they to us ? I've wondered about this - and the best explanation I could come up with was a-little-less-than-a-stranger.

How does a balloon deflate ?

2009-11-04T18:32:00.003+08:00

Got a haircut. Chopped off 3 inches from my shoulder-length hair. And, coloured it RED.

Friends loved it.
Said I look younger.
Me delighted.
Me excited.

Me : Husband, notice anything different ?
Husband : Of course ! I can tell. You changed your earrings, didn't you ?

Dr, why ?

2009-11-03T09:12:00.006+08:00

Why are doctors so obsessed with the fact that they are doctors ? I got thinking about this after I received a wedding invitation recently -

Dr (Mrs) X and Dr. Y would like to invite you to the wedding of their son Dr Z to Dr (Miss) A; daughter of Dr (Mrs.) B and Dr C on blah, blah, blah....

Please ! Someone please explain to me - when 2 persons are getting married; what does being a Dr have to do with it ? Is the identity of each of these people defined by being Dr...so much that your name can not be said aloud unless you attach a Dr to it ?

Is life henceforth going to be -
Hi Dr, I'm home !
Dr, pass me the ketchup
Dr, my sweetheart, I love you, please don't be angry with me
Dr, you have to pick up the kids after school today
Dr, we need to talk

And if that isn't enough, why is it that women feel the need to attach the extra Mrs or Miss after the Dr ? So why should you have Dr (Mrs) Blah Blah or Dr (Miss) Blah Blah ? Why do you need to announce your marital status to the world. What does that have to do with doing a job ?

Someone, please please explain this to me.

Fell off the wagon

2009-11-03T08:58:00.002+08:00

Lots of stuff happening in life...or may be its in my mind... I'm not sure; but whatever it is, apologies for falling off the wagon.

Am trying to get back on; and concentrate on writing.
Excuse the erratic-ness (??)

Made bread

2009-09-17T19:38:00.004+08:00

Made bread. Yes I had the time. Remember I'm unemployed ?
Yes! I know, all of you think its a good thing. Yes, I also know I'm the only one who's bothered about this state-of-life.

So anyway, yes ! I made bread
No, It wasn't so difficult
I surprised myself.
It gave me a big kick. I didn't know I could.

Have I felt this pleasure before ?

What pleasure, you ask ?
Well, pleasure of seeing the bread rise the way it ought to
The pleasure of creating stuff from scratch with no machines
The pleasure of it smelling yummy
The pleasure of not being able to wait because the smell of cinnamon is driving you nuts
The pleasure of tasting nuts and knowing THIS is the real thing
The pleasure of looking at a foccacia and thinking - hey this looks just like from the bakery
The pleasure of a coffee and a cinnamon roll you actually made yourself
The pleasure of biting into it and it actually tasting good
The pleasure of feeding it to husband (wow! good job) and kids (ma! I don' wan')
The pleasure of passing it to friends
The pleasure of seeing the look of admiration & surprise

Well, it is pleasure with a capital P.

I need to do this more often.
One of those instances in my life which fall under the category of "Simpler pleasures in life"

2009-09-17T11:32:00.002+08:00

Caught up with an aunt in ages. She's 80 and lonely. Sooo happy to talk to me. Every few minutes she'd say - OK, I'm sure you have to go now- and want to hang up. And be pleased when I'd say I'm in no hurry to hang up. We ended up chatting for 40 minutes. Towards the end she said no one wants to talk to her these days and that she's almost retreating in herself and consoling herself that this is life...

Made me think. Is this what I will end up as ? Lonely? Sad ? Helpless ? Resigned ?

I look at my Nani, who's over 90 - who has only one complaint from life (I think). She says she can't make her body obey her. It seems like the body has a mind of its own. Its frail & it prevents her from doing things that her mind is perfectly capable of.

How frustrating must a situation like this be? You're old and feeble; and there's nothing wrong with your mind. But you need assistance to walk, to eat, to get up, to use the toilet, for just about everything... You have to wait till people have the inclination (forget about the time) to talk to you. Your opinions are suddenly not important or relevant; and let's not even talk about your desires. You suddenly turn into a part of the house - the furniture ?Something that's always been there, something that has to be dusted ?

The sad part is that people around you are not unkind to you because they want to be unkind. Its the apathy that's killing. What do old people want ?

I am totally convinced that what the elderly need is time. They want opportunities for conversation; an opportunity to contribute. They need to be useful & wanted.

I remember my other grandmother. She lived with my parents off and on. And I remember one thing very clearly - the amount of time my dad would spend with her. After work, he made it a point to go rest in the adjoining bed, to chat up with her about her day or his. I like to think she enjoyed that time; and that she cherished it. Of course, it helped that we were young kids in the house and caused enormous hustle and bustle.

I wonder if we do that now i.e take time out for the parents. I certainly am guilty of a certain amount of apathy. So I don't necessarily take the time to talk to my in-laws at home or my parents over phone. And the parents are so understanding. They don't demand attention. They sit back & patiently tell themselves - its OK, things are different now. The children have busy lives and don't need any more intrusions.

But this situation needs to change.Of course, the biggest change I need to bring about is in me. I need to devote more time and attention to both sets of parents. Easier said than done. But let me try...

Perspectives

2009-09-02T08:47:00.002+08:00

We and the world, are actually a wash basin.
Bhagwan-ji takes water & gargles. When he spits out the water, that's rain for us.
When he has taken a little too much water in his mouth & he spits that out, the rain is heavier...

Professor's theory on Rainfall.

Memories

2009-08-27T14:01:00.003+08:00

As part of Professor's school assignment, he has to make a list of milestones of his life, together with suitable pictures.

This morning I rummaged through cupboards I never open & sorted through pictures of Professor as a baby. The whole experience was unnerving because I'd forgotten so many things - how he looked like a baby, how he smiled... That he was a nicely rounded baby (though we always had dadu fretting that he wasn't plump enough), his favourite toys, his crib, his high chair, his clothes. Things that have been long passed on to friends who were expecting babies. Things that CEO now considers his. That he had baby fat cheeks, that there was a time that he didn't wear glasses... That he was born just 50 cms tall and could fit into the palms of his father. The curious expression on his face during the mundan, or the simple pleasures of sitting in my shoe drawer. Playing with freshly washed clothes; or enjoying a watermelon with juice dripping all over.

Oh how frail is human memory. How is it that I've forgotten stuff that's less than 5 years old...

Tenacity

2009-08-27T09:02:00.003+08:00

Tenacity = Not taking no for an answer. Persisting till you get your way.

CEO = Ma, Can you read me thees story?
(Ma normal. )
Ma = No.

CEO = Maa, Can you read me thees story?
Ma still normal. Slightly distracted.
Ma = Hmm... In a little while

CEO = Maa, Can you read me thees story? Now ? Pleeeez
Ma trying to be rational
Ma = CEO, Not now. Sweety, I'm reading my book (or cooking or watching TV).

CEO = Maa, Can you read me thees story?
Ma getting irritated
MA = CEO. I said NO!

CEO ignores all obvious signs.
CEO = Maa, Pleez Ma. Can you read me thees story?
Ma totally lost it. She hasn't read more than 3 lines on her book since this conversation started.
Ma = NO! I WON"T READ IT

CEO = Pleez Ma. I ask sho nicely. Why you don' wan' to read. Ma, can you read me thees book ?
Ma gives up.
Grudingly Ma = OK. Come! Ek baar ek farmer was working in the field.....

Packing for a typical road trip

2009-08-26T19:30:00.005+08:00

It all depends on the duration we'll be in the car. This one is when its a 2-3 hour car trip. You DON'T want to know what I pack when we go on longer trips. All this goes into one bag, which the adults lug around on their backs when not in the car.

Apple - 2 no.
In seperate ziploc bags

Guava - 2 no.
Also in separate bags. With Black salt easily accessible

Grapes - Angoor Angoor!
Definitely not in ziploc bags. They get squished.

Biscuit sticks.
Option 1: Buy 2 sets of chocolate flavour. Advantage : No fighting in the car.
Option 2: Buy one chocolate + one strawberry. Disadv : Both might not want the strawberry. Adv : If one is "borrowing" from the other, he can be caught brown-or pink-handedly.

Fruitloops.
1 bag + 2 empty containers. Small

Coco-crunch.
1 bag. Use the empty containers already in the bag

Biscuits (Salty) + Indian Namkeen
For Dadu

Water. 4 bottles.
1 Legoland bottle. For CEO
1 bottle with whale picture. For Professor. That way, ma, the water doesn't drop on me...
2 large bottles. For adults. Plenty of paper cups. Sometimes with a pen to write names on.

Apple Juice - no added sugar
For Amma

Coke - Diet
For Husband & Self

Cold Coffee
For self

Coke or Sprite - Regular. Add Yakult, if available.
For kids

Straws. Flexible. Plenty. All colours.

Strawberry Yoghurt. With small steel spoon. Mismatched ones
For CEO
Actually 2 no. Sometimes Prof wants it too...

Totally unhealthy potato chips
For husband. He's on a holiday.

Poori + Potato + Achar rolls
For the grandparents

Poori +Potato
For Professor

Poori + Don't wan' anything
For CEO

Leftover of Poori rolls
for Husband

Hand sanitizer.
To clean hands after every possible dirty surface has been lovingly caressed by the boys.

Tissues.
Let's not even count them.

Wet wipes
For the kids to clean their seats with, when they can NOT be entertained with anything else.

J&J Powder, Baby Cream, Comb, Mosquito repellent, Towel.
For you-never-know-when-you-might-need-it. Ma's one cautious lady.

1 set of underwear + pants
For CEO. I got wet. Don' like. Don' like!

2 toys that have been out of sight for a while
Typically, the Matchbox series of cars / airplanes / 'elicopper

1 large garbage bag.

1 dirty rag

Old newspapers

CDs
For kids. For adults. To be played in turns.

Patience
Loads of it.

CEO spake

2009-08-26T19:22:00.001+08:00

Maaaa
Maaa
Maaa
Why you not listening to meeeee ?
Can you get off the laptop chair and read me thees book? Now? Now?

2009-08-24T14:25:00.002+08:00

Professor is ill with flu-like symptoms. No school. At home. Napping.
CEO is sleeping like the baby he often pretends to be.
The house is quiet.

Its a perfect time to do...and I don't know what to do

Desires

2009-08-24T14:19:00.003+08:00

Getting itchy feet. Want to go somewhere...

so much in this world I haven't seen.

A demanding life

2009-08-20T11:39:00.003+08:00

1. Make jelly - MANGO not strawberry.
2. Make black cookies - put in lots of chocolate.

...before I'm back from school.

What I'm reading now?

2009-08-20T11:11:00.009+08:00

Andrea Aunty ka Mobile Phone

Shooraj and Rooshter

The typos are on purpose. That's what CEO calls the books. I read them day in & day out. Night & Day. While awake & in my sleep.

HELP!!!

Silver Linings

2009-08-20T11:06:00.003+08:00

I have a cold. A pretty painful throat. Don't want to speak.

Decided to teaching Professor how to mime. No words at all. Considering he's soooo loud most of the time, my ears are feeling the relief too. Blog's happy too. Hadn't seen me for a while...
Husband comes home & gives me a hug before he does anything else...

Names for my kids

2009-08-19T09:52:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me recently why don't I use my kids' names on my blog. So I've decided to use the names that they are known by at my husband's office.

Kid # 1 : Name - Professor aka Arjuna
Aged 6. My first born. Smart, handsome & dedicated to the cause of learning

Kid #2 : Name - CEO aka Krishna
Aged 3. Different from Professor as chalk is from cheese. Charmer. Naughty. Diplomat.

MJ's Funeral

2009-08-19T09:08:00.005+08:00

Why hasn't Michael Jackson been buried till now. Its been 2 months since the poor man died. Do you think he would have wanted to be kept this way. Call me old fashioned, but I rather like the Hindu philosophy of getting rid of the body asap :)

Ok boys, so listen up. If I'm dead & you're confused what to do with me; come back here and read these instructions -

Donate whatever you can from my body.
Do NOT wait until my birthday. Please do not bury me (I wouldn't want to get accidentally dug & scare the heck out of a little kid). Cremate me asap. Preferably in a way that is environmentally friendly. Don't worry about the ashes. Junk them anywhere. It won't matter to me, remember, I'll be dead.
Take a holiday - on a beach. You guys liked playing with the sand...but wait ! That's now when you are both sub-5. Do you still like that?
Do not have a tervi. Do have a party.
Get on with life.

Nothing to say?

2009-08-19T08:56:00.008+08:00

This morning I decided that I have to write something. I don't have anything particularly to say. But I do want to write. Its very easy to fall into a writing limbo and then days pass and you realize that your blog is sitting there waiting... Not to mention all my 'n' readers. Since I was a math student, my natural inclination is to say that it becomes a severe problem since n tends to infinity...but the unfortunate fact is that since 'n' just tends to 10 (at most- by stretching really, really hard) the issue of my writing is actually a non-issue.

But I digress. This post is not about how many people read this blog; but about blogging! So why should I sit here and talk about where n tends to 10,or 20 or anything at all. I must just say that even though I have nothing to say, I must continue writing.

BTW, I don't know if you noticed, but there is zero content in this post as of now. But what the heck. The mails I've been reading lately could win essay competitions in school (remember how you struggled to fill up the pages) but actually say nothing at all.

No activity lately?

2009-08-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

Sorry! Just been too demotivated to write

I don't understand

2009-07-31T00:04:00.002+08:00

...how opening a Children's library in the condominium can be detrimental to the residents.

What's to debate? That...

...kids might get exposed to Books? Ugh...what a nasty thought
...they might learn to read & exchange ? Oh No!!!!
... why is someone doing this for altruistic purposes ? How can that be - If you're making money, you're evil; if you don't want to, there's something wrong with you...
...is irrelevant that a lot of mothers are excited about it? Do they know as much as we do?

Of so many tough decisions to make, this looks like the toughest.
Puzzled and perplexed...

Violent Thoughts

2009-07-29T22:50:00.000+08:00

Thinking of killing my roomie...
She knows why!

Having Kids

2009-07-28T12:45:00.002+08:00

I was having a discussion with some friends recently on having kids; and here's my two-pence worth.

Having kids, in my opinion, can never be a rational decision - it has to be a totally emotional one. Anyone who's had kids can vouch that having kids can totally disrupt your life.

Spontaneity goes for a toss, you can't go pubbing every night, can't work like a dog till 10pm day in & day out ; so there can be no social reasons to have kids.
The little monsters are expensive so it can't be a financial decision
They often sleep between the parents; or try their best to play one off the other; so it can't be that having kids helps your marriage :)
There are no guarantee that they'll take care of the parents, so it can't be investing in the future.

So why do people have kids? Well, because they just want to !

Everything is waived off with "I don't care... I just want a child!"

See? Purely emotional reasons.

Why Marriage?

2009-07-23T16:46:00.006+08:00

Have often wondered if Marriage is the be-all and end-all of a person's life.

I know of a lady whose boyfriend recently asked her to marry him. She was ecstatic. I was obviously happy for her, but puzzled too. Puzzled, because the couple has been living together for 5 years now. So I am left wondering what's changing in that relationship. You continue to live in the same house; behave in the same way; live life the same way; love & fight the same way...

Then what changes does marriage bring in a situation like this? Why is it that we desire marriage so much ? Is marriage an acknowledgment of the relationship or is it the formalization? Is it a way to legitimize ? Is it that we're so conditioned by society where marriage is seen as a parameter for success in personal life? Is it that we subconsciously are thumbing upto society & saying - there! see I'm married too, so get off my case now!

What do I get out my marriage? Companionship & love; an exclusive right on the guy :), a legitimacy for the sex :) and of course buying legitimacy for the children. Is everyone seeking that?

I don't know! And I honestly don't know whether I'd have been equally happy with my relationship had I not been married. I know its a moot point; but I can't stop thinking about it...In my 20s, even at my most confident, I was less confident than I am now; more worried about people's reactions, more amenable to "adjusting" with society. Now as I inch on towards 40; I see a more "I don't care" attitude in myself. At this lifestage, I probably wouldn't worry too much with a live-in relationship; but one never knows.

A huge swing

2009-07-23T16:27:00.004+08:00

How can I go from "Happy & Content" to "Mad & Irritable" in a gap of 3 minutes ?

Do I blame me or my mother-in-law?

Well, I'm only human - It was HER!!!!

Why...

2009-07-23T15:46:00.003+08:00

... do Mums wait for schools to reopen ?

- Because they need to see the light at the end of the tunnel... else they might just kill the kid or themselves...

There go my hopes!

2009-07-23T15:27:00.003+08:00

Me : Son, do you think you want a little sister
Him : No.
Me : No? Why not?
Him : I think 3 kids is too many for you to manage.

Ouch....

How...

2009-07-23T14:52:00.003+08:00

... is it that kaka can get the little one to sleep in 30 seconds; when I can keep trying for an HOUR and have absolutely NO success ! AAArghhhh

2009-07-21T00:19:00.001+08:00

In case you are wondering, Freddie is still dead!

Yes, he is!
Noooo! He's not coming back!

I am still here, does it help?

Talk about Sensitivity

2009-07-14T08:56:00.002+08:00

This morning 8:00AM, Kid #1 is doing some studies (under some SEVERE duress, I must add)

Girlfriend : Mum, Freddie died!
Me : Oh no ! Are you sure ?
Kid #1 : (running) Where ?Where ? Show me !
Girlfriend starts cleaning up...
She & I have a conversation about how kids might me upset...

30 seconds later
Kid #1 : Ma, Can I call Daddy? I have to tell him something important.
Me : Sure, go ahead.
Kid #1 : Daddy, Freddie died. Well, he was very old, you know. More than 2 years old. That's very old for a fish. Daddy, can you get me a new goldfish when you come home today?

Me = Mouth open
Freddie isn't even cold in his grave yet !!!

New Look

2009-07-13T22:46:00.004+08:00

Have a new look! A makeover ?
Got it from Deluxe Templates
I love it!
Do you?

Don't worry about my feelings

2009-07-12T02:27:00.004+08:00

Ma, I really don't want to spend time with you. Can I go & sit with Daddy ?

Ma. My brain is more clever than yours...So you must listen to ME.

Ouch! And he's only 5. Wonder what I'll hear when he's 15...

Back

2009-07-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

Good to be back home.
Freddie's playing dead. He refuses to move even when I knock on his glass bowl. I know he's alive but barely so now. Worried that he's on his last legs now.

Kids?
Kids delighted to be on home ground again, with Girlfriend's undivided attention....the books have been lovingly re-read, the toys met & greeted; each room stomped by & cluttered.

Me?
Mixed feelings...
Home sweet home v/s trip over too soon. I wasn't ready for it just yet! Some days wasted. Some felt too short & others too long..

Husband ?
Don't know. He's currently snoring away in bed.

My mood today

2009-07-05T21:29:00.001+08:00

annoyed & exasperated

2009-06-25T17:33:00.003+08:00

I am off for another trip. Hope to continue writing & posting; but if not, pls accept my apologies :) I'm probably having too much fun to be able to write...
ha ha ha...

A mid-year assessment

2009-06-19T15:28:00.006+08:00

Its almost 6 months into the year; and I've been attending Parent Teacher conferences to figure out how my kids are doing in school. I figured I must also do an assessment of my life and set direction for the next 6 months.

So here are the highs and lows of my life in 2009.
- Started my blog
- Discontinued my Mandarin lessons
- Lost my uncle to cancer
- Was thrilled to watch my friends have a long awaited baby
- Swam a width of the pool for the first time in my life
- Saw the Taj Mahal, Sydney Harbour, Fiords, Dolphins, Glaciers and lots of other things
- Saw sides of people like I've never seen before - from graciousness to stupidity to utter pettiness
- After 3 years of quitting, finally put my work related documents in order
- Got the most amazing mother's day card from my son - it said "Thank You for giving me life & birth"
- Got introduced to concert music
- Blew up my only job opportunity in 2 years
- Had a disagreement with my mother which I can still not let go
- Earned 30 ringgits from a cake that I baked
- Started running as exercise to lose weight
- Heard praise for both my kids from their teachers
- Stopped exercising & regained all the lost weight
- Spring cleaned my house; and vowed never to buy trish-trash again

Still way to go. Here's what I still need to finish in this year

- Get a job; Or atleast, sell more cakes for more money
- Resume mandarin lessons
- Buy a new laptop
- Resume running & swimming & LOSE ALL THAT EXTRA WEIGHT
- Have more patience with my kids (PS: This will be hard. I'm ready to scream on one right now)
- Bake less cakes, eat less cakes & pay more attention to my poor teeth
- Take a trip to Paris with Husband

My solo trip.

2009-06-19T14:53:00.004+08:00

Recently I went to Sydney on a solo trip - just me & myself; leaving behind my 2 kids and my husband.
The trip was supposed to be sort of a self discovery.

I discovered after we get married, its considered sacrilegious to take off on your own. Some of the reactions I got from people when I told them I was going alone -
- You've got to be kidding me!
- You want a holiday without your kids ?
- You're leaving your husband & kids with the maid ?
- Why do you need to go alone ?
- You shouldn't do this...
- I could never leave me children.

I discovered I don't give a damn about what people say

I also discovered I can have fun alone
It was wonderful not to worry about either kids or husband; and just do the things I enjoyed doing. I walked, I got lost. I attracted looks from some people who wondered if I'd been stood up.
I strolled through gardens, went to galleries to see art I'd never buy, sat by on a windy evening to enjoy my cup of coffee while my butt froze, climbed a bridge, loafed around in a flea market, watched movies back to back, read books, visited garage sales to bargain-hunt, cooked for friends, gossiped late into nights, met friends I haven't seen in ages. It was fun !

I discovered (actually re-discovered) I have a fantastic husband - one who's cool about such things & encourages me to do what I want

I discovered I want to travel more (the Frankenstein that wants to travel more, more, more...)

I discovered a more happy me...

What's with friends ?

2009-06-19T14:24:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel I'd be lost without my friends... My friends are my partners in mischief, my confidants, my coffee pals, my companions and what-nots.

In the last 3 months, I've lost an old friendship, deepened another one; and am in the process of making a new friend... Just thinking about these three persons made me reflect how relationships with older & newer friends can be soooo different.

With older friends, there's the beauty of comfort & of trust; of knowing where you stand; of truthfulness & lack of judgement; and of course of support.

Relationships with newer friends are different. To me, the first few times you try to fathom if you have anything in common... Once you decide there is some potential, then there's that excitement & curiousity of wanting to explore the person; learning more & trying to figure them out; to learn whether this is a transient friendship or one to last forever. Isn't it almost like meeting a man to decide whether he's worthy of becoming a new boyfriend or lover ?

So today I'm left wondering whether old friends are like spouses (they know all your secrets) and new ones are like lovers - you don't want them to know your secrets - not quite yet, anyway!

What do you think...

Wondering

2009-04-24T23:14:00.004+08:00

I wonder -
- if I'll get invited to the party of the year
- if someone wants to give me a job
- when will husband have time to take me out for lunch
- if i'll ever ever have a flat tummy again.
- when will someone teach me the tricks of makeup
- whether I'm allowed to be rude to people I don't like
- why do I write in bullet points and not in paragraphs
- why did god not make me into a goddess - I'm neither rich nor beautiful !!!
- whether people will still talk to me if I tell them what I really think of them ?
- whether tomorrow my friends will kill me for a crappy blog

I wonder...

2009-04-19T00:07:00.007+08:00

How do I feel today?
I feel excitement, exhilaration; I feel accomplishment. Today is one of the days I can not forget in my entire life.... Today is the day I swam unattended and unassisted for more than half the pool length.

To most people I'm sure its no big deal; but to understand my happiness you have to know the fear that existed with me all this while. I'm 36 years old and all my life I have wished I could swim. I saw people jumping into the pool, kids & adults squealing with the joy of being in water; and only envied them from a distance....

Why? Well, ever since I can remember I've had this fear of water that just multiplied as I grew older. And with fear of water, let's face it, swimming is a non-option. Even though I've been learning to be in the pool for the last 1 year, I never could let go of my fear long enough to forgo the floats and the noodles and go solo.

So what happened today? I don't know. I really don't. But for some strange reason, I just decided to give it a try; and I did it. I could stay afloat in water, i could glide, I could kick and propel myself through the water... I felt free and alive and complete. I felt equal to the people around me. I was no longer self-conscious or defensive or wanting to fade into the water and the pool.

It makes me happy. It makes me feel proud...proud that I have taken another step in trying to conquer what I thought was impossible.

I'm happy. I'm exhilarated. I'm free...

I'm back

2009-04-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

A long hiatus... what to do, I was on holiday...

But now I'm back. Back to being at home, and hopefully back to writing as well

Did they tell you this before you had the kids

2009-03-17T00:25:00.003+08:00

that you'll cry when you hold your baby for the first time
or that you'll also cry on his first day at school
that you'll re-discover planes, trains, cars, rainbows, moon, stars, pink colour, water, rain, puddles, splashing, fascination for umbrellas
or that you'd be delighted with these discoveries
that you & your husband will have to sleep on 6 inches of a king sized bed while your 2 -feet tall kid occupies the balance 5 feet 5 inches of the bed
or that you'll learn to sleep through a thousand kicks a night
that your day will be made just by seeing the kid smile & hug you
or that your heart will break each time you ground him
that you'll learn the location of every restroom in every mall of your city
or that you'll visit the zoo in every city you ever visit
that when you travel, you'll take the entire house AND the kitchen sink with you
or that travel will be all that you can manage to see between naps, pee-pee & poo-poo breaks
that the only skill you'll ever use will be of negotiating - you'll negotiate on TV time, play time, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, sleepovers, veggies, junk food, everything...
or that you'll move from using f*** 3 times in a sentence to "NO, I DON'T want you using the word stupid! Its a BAAAAD word"
that the best sleep you'll ever have is when your baby is cuddled against you
that your social calender will be all about birthday parties, dance classes, pick-ups, dropovers, babysitting
that you'll actually be happy you have only boys because girl clothes are just too cute & expensive...
that you'll spend more time cuddling your kids than your husband
that you'll fret about religion, values, and manners - expecially when the in-laws come visiting
that you'll actually learn to cook, just to please your kid ; or that you'll wait anxiously for your kid to say he likes what you cooked
that you'll turn into that mum you swore you'll never be like - you know, that one who can't stop talking about her kids
or that all your conversations will sooner or later end up at kids
that you'll constantly wonder whether you're a good mother

Did they tell you any of this. They sure as hell, didn't tell ME anything...

Preparations for going "home"

2009-03-13T13:47:00.004+08:00

Ever wondered what kind of a chaos each one of us goes through just before we visit our parents / in-laws for a holiday

make a list (mentally, dodo!!!) of all the people you're likely to meet
knock off the ones who you think don't deserve to be bought presents for
rack your brains for the ones who are still on the list - for the best way to combine perceived value vs. money spent
make umpteen number of calls to either set of parents to ask them what they want
don't accept "nothing, we just want you" for an answer and then fret about what to buy for them
come home and hide the presents from your kids, lest they open them
show them to your husband when he returns bone-tired from work; and discuss them threadbare (X for so&so because of blah, blah, blah...) even though you know he'd rather be a million miles away from this discussion
try fitting stuff into your suitcase a week in advance to judge how much space is "leftover"
figure out suitable "phoren" presents for the entourage of maids so that you can safely answer the coy questions - bebi, mere liye kya le kar aaye ?
think of how to keep the kids entertained on the flight - buy & hide stuff
call your mum and discuss EVERYTHING
start having sleepless nights because of the sheer excitement of going back
start teaching your kids manners and how to behave with grandparents (say jai-jai, touch feet, no tantrums, etc etc etc) till they try to run away each time they see you
try locating your salwar kameezes to wear back at home
take out your bindis and bangles for the Indian bahu look
wonder whether dad will have an objection if you venture out in a spagetti strapped blouse
hoard chocolates and candy (from sales, of course), just in case, for those people who you forgot to buy stuff for (e.g. the bhabhi ki behen ki nand)
make a checklist for the essentials - camera, diapers, favorite cars & teddies (heaven help you, if you leave these behind)
check & recheck your tickets & passports
wait for time to pass till you can finally gooooo.

Off to Mummy, Yay!!!

2009-03-11T17:59:00.005+08:00

I'm off to India. To see my parents.
Just wondering... Why is it that even after n years of marriage, to me, going back to my parents house is going home.

Am so excited. Have been counting the days for a while now...9 more days to go

Just 9 more days to

sit while the rest of the family gladly takes the kids off your hands
not worry whether they've eaten
have aaloo parathas, paneer parathas, samosas, jalebis, boondi, upma, poha, idlis, vadas for breakfast
have awesome lunches 3 hours after I've stuffed myself with breakfasts
sleep in the afternoons
chat with my parents
lazily look out of the window to see the world pass as I did over 15 years ago
wait for dad to bring hot samosas in the evening
catch up with friends & family I havent seen in a while
hear someone say "Gudda" and know these pet words are for you, and not your kids...
eat the mithai that no one else can ever duplicate outside my hometown
listen to people exclaim - My God! Look at you! You've become so big; Your kids have become soooo big
not have to decide the breakfast lunch & dinner menu
have a leisurely bath
see the kids trail their grandparents like happy slaves
see the grandparents trail the kids like even-happier slaves
go back to see my old haunts for food & for shopping
marvel at the changes in the city since the last time I was here
curse the 2 hour power-cuts and the horrible heat
cry and tell mum that I'll NEVER visit during such horrible weather again
answer umpteen answers about babies - NOOOO. I'm not having any more
be exasperated
be cranky
be nostalgic
be impatient
be pampered
be loved
be at peace as I can never be anywhere else
be restored
be accepted unconditionally
be myself

Aaaah, just 9 more days to go.

9 more days to be the child and not the parent....

When will they pass....

My dad made my day

2009-03-10T14:53:00.003+08:00

A couple of days ago, I sent my son's progress report to my dad just to let him know how he was doing at school. There was an element of pride in me since he's doing well and the teacher loves him. I thought all of this would be interest to the grandparents.

And, I get this reply "I think my daughter did better than your son".

Let's be very honest. I LOVE the compliment. oooh... it feels good. The moment I read it, I had this smile on my face that was a mile wide. Its still there.

Thank you daddy, you really did make my day :)

Here I am

2009-03-04T21:40:00.008+08:00

Here I am
waiting for my husband to get back home
waiting to pick a fight with him
waiting to make conversation with an adult
waiting for a suitable time to go to bed
waiting for my little one to wake up & ask for me - he does it every night -exactly 15 min after I've fallen asleep
waiting for my parents' call
waiting to be given a horrible chore
waiting for tomorrow - I get the car on Thursdays :)
waiting for my day as a thankless driver
waiting for people to visit my blog
waiting for people to comment on it
waiting for the time when I get to go back to India - 16 days
waiting to meet cousins I haven't seen in a really long time
waiting to see the look on their faces - you haven't changed one bit
waiting for the complaints from family I don't have time to visit
waiting for my best friend to come to KL - 6 months, may be more ?
waiting to bitch with her
waiting to show-off my new clothes
waiting to colour my hair
waiting to be the answer of a headhunter's prayers
waiting for a good movie on TV
waiting to finish this post

Here I am, waiting...

Why me?

2009-03-03T17:09:00.004+08:00

Every evening, like clockwork, by 5:00 pm, the skies start to darken ominously and then the rain starts. Its not as if its a mild drizzle, its a full blown downpour. You may as well be standing under Niagara Falls. And that implies that no one in their right mind will go out. Since we think we're in our right minds, we're stuck at home.

Its just not fair. I'm convinced that the fates are conspiring against me. 5:00 pm is the time my kids go down to play. It gives me & poor Kaka a break from all the rockin-and-rolling that goes around in the house. But look at us now. We're all stuck in the house with wails of "I don't know what to do. Maaaaaa, I want to do something interesting. That's not interesting. You don't even know what's interesting" and so on.

I've switched the TV on. Thomas & Fireman Sam have been seen & digested; and they're back to ma with questions. I'm upto my neck answering them-
Kid : Why is it raining ?
Me : The clouds overflowed
Kid : When will it stop ?
Me : Hopefully soon
Kid : Can I go down ?
Me : I wish. But No, you can't. You'll get wet
Kid : Why not?
Me : I just told you, you'll get wet. That's not good for you
Kid : Why not ? What will happen if I get wet? Will I fall ill & die?
Me : (talk about worse case scenarios)No, you won't die, but you can get sick, and you'll have to miss school
Kid : I don't mind missing school, can I go out ?
Me : No
Kid : Do you think there will be a flood ?
Me : I don't think so
Kid : But last time there was a flood (PS: There wasn't). I WANT a flood, it will be fun (FUN, huh ???)
Me : No, there is going to be no flood
Kid (whiny tone) :What can I do ?
Me : Why don't you play with your toys?
Kid (more whiny tone) :No, I'm bored. Can I call my friend over ?
Me : (Ya right. As if I don't have enough trouble with 2 cooped up kids that I'll go ahead & borrow more.) No
Kid : You never let me do anything I want. You're not the boss. You don't love me

I need to be rescued. Someone, please make the rain stop & let me take the kids OUT.

Mommy Guilt

2009-03-03T10:00:00.002+08:00

Is being a mother synonymous with guilt ?

All around me, I read about & listen to women who feel guilty because they work. They struggle at work, they struggle at home; and they struggle with guilt. I'm not home when my kid comes back from school, I had to go to work when my kid had fever, I don't get to spend quality time with my kid, I have to travel without my kids, etc etc etc.

Wow, at least they have a reason to feel guilty. But what about mums like me? I don't work but I still feel guilty. I'm at home but I still feel guilty. I don't travel but I still feel guilty.

Why, you ask? Why, Am I not entitled to guilt?
I feel guilty when I deny my kids something
I feel guilty when I'm at my laptop blogging while my kids are home
I feel guilty when I actively seek time away from my kids
I feel guilty when I want to take up a job
I feel guilty when I scream at my kids
I feel guilty when I don't volunteer my time at my son's school
I feel guilty when I have to take one of my sons & leave the other behind
I feel guilty when I make palak paneer instead of macaroni soup
I feel guilty because I can't teach my sons to swim myself
I feel guilty when I shoo my kids away while talking to my friends
I feel guilty when my husband & I tiptoe out for a movie
I feel guilty because I can't take my son to see his dream - Mt Everest
I feel guilty when I don't read my sons a story before bed time because I've had enough
I feel guilty when I see my baby asking for attention while my older one talks on & on

Oh there're hundreds and thousands of ways to feel guilty. Guilt is not the right of a working mother. To me motherhood is guilt. I am convinced it is. Mums who work feel guilty; mums who stay at home feel guilty.

So stop moping, and get used to feeling guilty.

Blogs are interesting things

2009-03-03T09:37:00.006+08:00

Blogs are interesting things.
They allow you to be voyeuristic about other people's lives; and for others to know what's happening in yours. Half the things I've written about in my blog were just personal feelings, which I never thought about sharing with others. Why is it I have no qualms about publishing these thoughts on the internet. Perhaps its a sense of anonymity - mostly false (I know that)- but somehow it works for me. It makes me reach into my mind and produce material like I've never done before. It makes me feel as if I'm talking to people and then I don't feel lonely anymore.

Blogs are interesting things.
Blogs make you open up your own life to the scrutiny and judgment of others. Each time I write, I wonder what people think of this piece; whether I've given them another piece in the jigsaw puzzle that's me? What kind of person do they think I am? I'm very curious about knowing that. I don't know why. I also want people to like what I write; and this is strange, considering I've always thought I've had a "I-don't-care-what other-people-think" kind of an attitude.

Blogs are interesting things.
They teach you a lot about yourself.
They provide a lovely way of documenting your thoughts. I'm beginning to keep notes about myself; and about my family. When I'm older I'd have forgotten these days, these thoughts, these sentiments; but hopefully the blogs will survive. Maybe my kids will read them when they're older and they'll know me to be the person I am, not just as their mom. I wonder sometimes how I was so closed-minded earlier, that I shut off my mind to blogging saying - Oh good for people who write, I just can't. I regret I didn't start earlier but I'm glad I started.

Blogs are interesting things.
I'm so glad I blog.

Yet another side of me

2009-03-02T22:46:00.002+08:00

I'm pretty narcissistic.

I often wonder what my role in life is....as in my role in my own life and that in other people's lives. I've written about my self in my older posts titled Who I am & 25 things about me. But obviously, with so much time to think, I had to come up with some more adjectives to describe me...

I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a lover, an employer, a slave, a driver, a cook, a handyman (or should it be handyperson ?), a writer, an investor, a nag, a peacemaker, a mediator, a friend, an eater, a traveller, a conforter, a resident, a protector, a teacher, a volunteer, a disciplinarian, a confidant, a reader, an accountant, an advisor, a planner, a travel agent, a listener, a speaker, a player, a decorator, a buyer, a seller, a thinker.

Wow, I play so many roles in my life...
Its an awesome feeling. Life, here I come !

The Comments worketh again

2009-03-02T22:28:00.003+08:00

In the last week, I wrote a few posts. Now, I don't know if you know this; but my blog only attracts my loyal roomie's attention (PS: I'm happy I have a healthy ego, else this fact alone would have hit me hard and left me traumatized for the rest of my life.) Normally, V leaves a comment. But in this last week, I didn't see a single comment; and I was wondering whether V was mad at me; or worse still, disappointed with the posts.

As it turned out, the poor dear had been trying hard to write a comment; and my blog wouldn't let her. I can of course only blame the template; because that was the other thing I had changed in the last week. So of course I'm not happy. I've wasted a good number of hours trying to delete some code by trial & error (no, I don't know a thing about XML).

As of now, the Comment feature is working, though to comment, you have to really persevere. Please do me a favour; and do persevere. Its good for you, and of course excellent for my ego to be able to read your thoughts on my thoughts, if you know what Imean :)

I have a new signature

2009-02-27T10:41:00.002+08:00

I like to play around with my blog. Well, what to do, no one's home ;-)

So, when I googled "signature on my blog", almost all the results pointed me to this cool site My Live Signature.

The best part of the site is that you don't need to register if you don't want to; and still use their services. Oooh, I love you, people. The site is neat. You can choose the font (its a tough choice 'coz there are >100 options available), the colour, the size, the slant. To me, its a neat way of personalizing the blog with a signature that reflects me. Of course, be careful, you could easily spend hours choosing the right one.

I'm good! I finished two signatures for my two blogs in just 30 min :)
So here's what I chose.

I have time to think

2009-02-27T09:48:00.001+08:00

I wish I didn't

Is anyone jealous of me

2009-02-27T09:07:00.002+08:00

I wonder about that. Yes, I do.

Well, often I look at people's life and I think - hey that's soooo cool. I would want that - So yes, I often get jealous of people who can travel to exotic places, are tall, are beautiful, are witty, are arty, are smart, can sing, can dance, are leggy, can swim & snorkel & dive, can draw & paint, can doodle, can bungee-jump, and run marathons, can write, can cook, can work, can control their tempers, can be good mothers and all that. Why, I only carry Tesco bags, not even a Gucci. Wow, before now, I never realized how many people I could be jealous of.

To me, jealousy doesn't have to be bitter or poisonous or all consuming. Its not that malicious feeling that makes you sabotage lives or hurt people; but instead its that momentary feeling of dissatisfaction with your own self. I know its not normal, but did I ever claim to be normal.

Rationally, even I know I'm seeing just one part of the life of people I'm jealous of -may be the glamorous one, and that I have no idea of what's behind there; but, in that instant, I'm jealous. I am human after all. All these feelings remind me of the short story called "The Grass is Always Greener..." that Jeffery Archer wrote as part of his short-story collection titled "To cut a long story short". He writes about how a homeless man envies a doorman, who envies his boss, who in turn envies the manager, and so on...

But the rationality doesn't stop me from wondering. And I wonder, does anyone look at my life and wish they had my life - my loving husband, my uncomplicated in-laws, my 2 kids, my books, my weird sense of humour, my time, my enthusiasm, my ability to make chocolate cakes (???), my laid-back attitude....

I wonder. May be I grasp at straws, but I sure hope there's someone in the world that is.

Who am I?

2009-02-26T10:18:00.001+08:00

Who am I?

I'm from India
I'm an ordinary gal

I'm out of work
I'm on the wrong side of 30

I'm currently unmotivated
I'm not sure why

I'm good at talking
I'm so-so at cooking

I'm good at baking chocolate cakes
I'm even better at polishing them off

I'm not thin
I'm not fat either

I'm my mother's favorite (heh heh heh)
I'm not sure if I'm right

I'm a mother of 2
I'm a wife too

I'm new to writing
I'm old to math

I'm into books
I'm not into philosophy or horror

I'm fond of travelling
I'm not rich enough to travel as much as I want

I'm full of questions
I'm not sure if anyone has the answers

I'm interesting
I'm likely to be even more interesting after 5 years

I'm lazy
I'm impatient

I'm rarely late
I like chocolate

I'm expensive
I'm not that expensive

I'm a good babysitter
I'm just not good at holding my temper

I'm popular with kids
I'm popular with adults

I'm full of myself
I'm sure you're thinking that :-)

I read this recently

2009-02-25T10:38:00.004+08:00

...and just loved it.
"An immaculate house is a sign of a wasted mother"

Political Correctness note :
I did not write this. I have no idea who did. I don't remember where I read this. Once I do, I will put the original author's name here to pass on all the glory associated with it.

Obviously the one who wrote this was feeling the pressure of social conformity. Why is it that everyone who visits your house has to comment on how you keep your home ? Why is it almost a reflection of your social success?

Earlier I was a little more careless and untidy. People who visited my home after I was married would snicker & say- Oh your house is so "lived in". I like untidy homes!!! They feel so goooood and warm.

My home is now much neater. People still can't leave me alone. Once they visit, its like -"OMG, why is your house so clean? How do you manage to keep it with 2 kids? Mine has stuff strewn all over the place...."

Yes the situation is reversed. Just because I have kids, you expect my place to be messy. God forbid if you see a tidy place. Its just not done, is it? Toys & shoes have to strewn all over, walls have to be scribbled on, paint splatters on the sofa, etc etc. That's what you want to see, that is what is normal.

Well, not for me. I'm sorry if I disappoint you.
In the past few years, my genes have probably gone through a metamorphosis. I don't know why. May be it was the pregnancies, may be it was the fact that I inherited a lot of hand-me-downs; or may be it was just fate....I don't know. But one thing is for sure...now I can't handle clutter. .

A home is a home. A home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can be free. Home is where you laugh. Home is where you cry, you eat, you sleep, you read, you play. Home is where you invite people when you want to be with them, home is where you retreat to when you want to be alone. Whether a home is tidy or not has nothing to do with any of this.

Don't make me self-conscious about it. Messy or not, please leave my home alone.

My Besan Laddoo success story

2009-02-23T19:28:00.006+08:00

I never thought I'd do a blog on food. I mean, yes I can cook, but its not as if I'm the best cook in the world :-P. But I'm just thrilled beyond bits and I have to share why. I made "Besan ka Laddoos" yesterday. Indians will know what I'm taking about, but for the non-Indians, let me try to define what Besan Laddoos are...

Besan = Gramflour / Chickpea Flour
Laddoo = Sweet balls
So Besan Laddoo = Sweet Balls made of Chickpea flour = Indian Sweet.....very sweet...
Check out the web here & there for more on these divine forms of food.

Now, I'm not sure if you know this; but I feel my kids are secretly Chinese; but somewhere inside both of them, there's this stubborn Indian food gene that refuses to give up. As a result, they just adore some specific types of Indian food. For good (they're delicious) or bad (they're fatty) one of these favorites is Laddoos. While we were in India, Nani dear would painstakingly make the laddoos and courier them over. The moment our stock got over, there would be one call to Nana / Nani who ensured that the laddoo container wasn't empty for long. Then, we came out of India, and sending laddoos by courier became a proposition too expensive for even the doting Nana-Nani to consider. Bravely, Amma stepped in to see that the kids were not being starved of laddoos by the unfeeling parents; and we were living happily with our supplies of laddoos.

Why am I telling you all this ?
Well, just to reinforce the reason why I never needed to learn how to make the Besan Laddoos. But in the last month, each time my kids spoke to either grandmother, all they would talk about is laddoos.
Kid : Neil wan' yellow laddoo
Me : Doll, Ma doesnt know how to make laddoo
Kid : Why Ma, why? Neil wan' yellow laddoo
Me : Neil, I just explained. I don't know how to make them
Kid : Neil wan' yellow laddoo. Neil wan' yellow laddoo. Ma, Neil wan' yellow LAD-DOOOOOO...

Talk about pressure. So I finally decided to take the plunge; and yes, I made the laddoos. Took some ghee, added besan, fried it on low flame till it was fragrant & slightly brown. Cooled it. Added Boora (reconstituted sugar), cardamom, and powdered almonds...and made balls of them.....VOILA, My laddoos were ready.

Oh man, were they great, or what ! Between husband + 2 kids, we were down by 10 in 3 hours. I am sooooo thrilled.

Thrilled, thrilled and thrilled some more :)

Are you happy now?

2009-02-21T00:48:00.008+08:00

This is directed to those people kind enough to leave a few suggestions behind. Now, I cant say I dont like you (what a pity, I do enjoy ranting at the world in general).

Now, I don't really understand why my old template got such an adverse reaction. I really don't think its bad, though it did have more features than I knew what to do with (But then that's probably my fault rather than the templates). And so what if its brown. I like brown. Just last week I bought 2 brown skirts...but then you don't need to know that.

Anyway, I do hope you are happy with the new template now. BTW, if you aren't, TOO BAD ! I've wasted several hours on first identifying a suitable one; and then getting "bX-bliced" at Blogger for the better part of 2 hours while loading the template that I wanted (see this). Then, my original template (yes, the one that you guys didn't like) also got corrupted. Can you imagine my plight. The only thought that kept me going was that nothing I chose could be worse than the free templates that Blogger provides.

So here you are...the new look (for the time being - till I figure out how to go to the Japanese Fleur without encountering the bX-bliced errors again).

Wish me luck!

My son has RED toenails

2009-02-19T07:00:00.004+08:00

My son has red toenails.

Over the weekend, I had a pedicure. Since everyone in the house was sleeping, I decided to take my older son with me while I went on a pedicure. He was most fascinated with the whole process - that magical piece of cotton which can take the color off mummy's toes, that strange rectangular something that can make the nails shine like never before, and the lovely lovely array of color.

So anyway, once we got back, he decided that he needed colour on his toes as well. So what if he's a boy. Its pretty, isn't it. To keep peace, I painted his toe-nails red (that's the colour he chose). Now, I'm struggling to accept. To me, its strange to have my 5 year old have painted nails. Red nails. A boy with red nails. I'm sure if it were a friend's child, I would have told her to chill. But it isn't. Its my 5 year old. My son.

My son with red nails. I wonder if I'd felt the same had it been my daughter with red nails, instead of my son. I wonder. I think I'd have been cooler. And that surprises me. It exposes a part of me I don't like. I never thought I was a sexist. I didn't think I was so conventional. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable - is it because boys normally don't paint their nails. But then boys also normally don't play with dolls. Why was I okay with buying him dolls and encouraging him to play with it; or with joining dance & ballet lessons; playing with girls; not playing typical "boy" games? I'm surprised at myself.

Are these ways in which having children challenges you? It makes you suddenly realize how stupid you are about inconsequential things. Just as well he's doing this when he's 5. That way I'll be a cooler mom by the time he's 15.

Bring it on son, its okay. I need to grow up too. I'll struggle, I'll learn, I try not to judge, and I'll accept and love.

Yes, I'll always love you, my son with red toes. Yes, you can have red toes, for as long as you want. And if you don't, that's okay too. I love YOU, my son with red toes.

I don't like you

2009-02-18T16:21:00.004+08:00

Yes, you got that right. I don't like you. I don't.

You guys are so inconsiderate. Here I am, slaving away, struggling to write something witty, something to put a smile on your face, something that will cheer you up (even if its for a short while); and I don't hear a peep out of you.

Firstly, most of you are rude enough NEVER to visit my site. There's absolutely no traffic here. I actually put up a visitor count to see how many people came to visit me. After a few days back, I had to take it off. It was embarrassing to see the count moving in increments of 0. What's up with you people. Can't you see, here I am, this brilliant blogger, just waiting to be discovered. Well? How am I to be discovered if you people don't come visit me, huh? There's only 1 visitor I have - its my old roomie. V, my love, I'm eternally grateful! I 'm going to leave you all the money I (don't) have.

Now, back to you guys. The second reason I don't like you is because you NEVER leave a comment. Please! It only takes a minute to leave a comment. No, not being on this blog is NOT an acceptable excuse for not commenting. I don't CARE how you comment, but please do! Leave a hi; and if you're feeling extra nice towards me, you can choose out of the following options -
a. I like it
b. I love it
c. Dammit, You're a genius, where were you all these days

I'm going to log off now. I'd better see something tomorrow; else I'll have to say this again
I don't like you one bit.

I'm cranky today

2009-02-18T16:09:00.004+08:00

I'm cranky today.

The plumber I've been chasing the past few weeks finally promised to come today. "I'll be there before 10, madam". By 1230 I was getting a little edgy from waiting around and repeated replies of "I'm on my way, madam".

The Plumber finally arrived at 1:00pm. Its 4:30 now. The work is half-done and he's disappeared to "buy some things, madam". There's no water in the house because "must off supply madam, how to work, madam". The bathrooms are all messed up with dirty boot marks - "sorry madam". The kitchen sink is piled up with dishes. My bathroom shower has been completely dismantled; and I dare not start the water supply just in case the house gets flooded. The Security office just called to say they won't be allowing any contractor in after 5:00 pm "for security reasons, madam". The kids want to go out & play; and we can't because we're waiting for the plumber to return...

No! the day is not going well. I'm depressed, I'm angry, and I'm ready to kill someone.

Stay away. I'm cranky today.

I can't write

2009-02-17T15:40:00.006+08:00

I want to write. I desperately want to write, but I can't. I've been racking my brain for a suitable subject. I've reviewed all my pieces in "draft" form, tweaked them around, and I still don't know what to write. How is it that on some days thoughts flow effortlessly from my brain onto the keypad? On days like today, I sit in front of the screen trying desperately to take words out of my brain, and I obviously am not succeeding if the only thing that comes out is this.

I've shushed the kids, and sent them out to play because they were disturbing me too much. Now the house is empty and silent as a tomb, and I still don't know what to write. is it too quiet? is it too noisy? the music on radio isn't nice. Any other music I play makes me want to sing and not write. what do i do. I desperately needs more number of blogs - i started one about my recent holiday; then about my kids, then about my sex life, and then about my skin... I've abandoned them all.

I think I'll go and make myself a cup of coffee. Half milk, half water, a nice full teaspoon of coffee, no sugar. Heat it, mix it, froth it up....hmmm the thought excites me.

I'm going. Yes I am. Waiting around here isn't getting me anywhere.
Bye. See you tomorrow

The New Look

2009-02-12T23:32:00.003+08:00

So this is the new look for my blog. It took me the whole evening to figure out a skin I liked; and then to trouble shoot it (I NEVER claimed I was smart!)

I love it! Creators, thank you, thank you, you've done a fine job!

Yes, I joined the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women

2009-02-12T09:05:00.014+08:00

If you haven't been following the Indian news lately, see this : The Consortium of Pub-going, Loose & Forward Women a group of women has started the Pink Chaddi campaign to protest against some activists who assaulted some innocent women enjoying themselves at a Mangalore pub.

These are my thoughts on it -

Yes, I joined the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women
No, I don't drink
Yes, I still joined it
No, I don't intend to start drinking
Yes, I'm fighting for women's rights
No, I'm not a feminist
Yes, I believe its OK to think for yourself, experiment & then decide what you want to do with your life
No, I don't think anyone - father, brother, husband or even mother, sister - should decide how I lead my life

Yes, its okay for girls to have fun
Yes, its okay to go for a movie
Yes, its okay for girls to have friends who incidentally are men
No, it doesn't mean they are sluts
Yes, its okay for women to go to a pub
No, Men in dance bars is not different
Yes, its okay to marry who you like and love
No, its not okay for you to marry people just because they went to a pub together

Yes, I feel the Valentine day is just too commercial
No, I don't go around hitting people

Yes, I wear skirts, jeans and t-shirts
No, I'm not out to titillate you
Yes, i proudly wear sarees & salwar kameezes too
No, I don't feel safe from harassment just because I'm in a salwar kameez
Yes, I know its not traditional Indian culture to wear spaghetti straps
No, I also know its not traditional Indian culture to hit women
Yes, sometimes I too feel, we're losing our unique "Indian-ness"
No, our "Indian-ness" doesn't lie in threatening people who think differently

Yes, you are not the sole guardian of Hindu culture.
No, you're right, neither am I! Neither you nor I can singularly decide what Indian culture is
Yes, I know you are a Hindu
No, I'm not anti-Hindu

Yes, I'm worried
No, its not about you
Yes, its about my country
No, I'm not comfortable about the direction my country is moving in
Yes, I worry about it for my kids
No, I don't want them to grow up like you
Yes, I want a society where women can think for themselves. Hell, even men should be able to think for themselves
No, no one appreciates you taking up the responsibility of thinking for others, telling them what they can or can't do

Yes, our society is in transition
No, it isn't the only one.

Yes, drinking in pubs is a western phenomenon
No, drinking at pubs doesn't mean I'm aping the west
Yes, in the olden days pubs were called "kothas"
No, in the olden days women didn't go to them - they stayed at home
Yes, in the olden days schools were called "pathshalas"
No, in the olden days, girls didn't go to them - they stayed at home
Yes, in the olden days men were the ones who went out for "kaam"
No, in the olden days, women didn't go out - they stayed at home
Yes, now the women do - they go out - they study, they work, and if they pub - that doesn't make them prostitutes
No, we definitely don't live in the olden days anymore

Yes, some things are better now
Yes, some things are worse now
Realize, some things are different now

Yes, I think you're after publicity
No, I can't dismiss this as a cheap stunt

Yes, I'm a woman
Yes, I'm Indian
Yes, I'm modern
Yes, I'm also traditional
Yes, I will protest when you treat women shabbily
Yes, you are being a bully
Yes, I feel you are a threat to a peaceful society
Yes, participation in the Pink Chaddi campaign is my silly, irreverent way of protesting against your more sinister way of life

Presents for Wife

2009-02-11T22:46:00.007+08:00

You know how, sooner or later, all conversations turn to what each woman got from her husband on her birthday / anniversaries / Valentine Days, etc.... Yes, we women are like that. We do compare notes...

Most of my friends and colleagues used to happily tell me about the flowers, jewellery, clothes, bags & other presents that they got. On Valentines, on Birthdays, on Anniversaries.... Wow !

Me ? Well, its a little embarassing... Let me see.... Birthdays? Nope, nothing !
Anniversaries? uh, uh! no such luck
Valentines?
Yes, once, I think.... Oh yes, I remember now. It was 8 years ago - yes, before we got married - He gave me a rose. .....Yes, Yes, I'm positive, that was the last one I received...

(Had I known it will be such a rare occurrence, I promise you, I'd have it mounted and framed in our house.)

Earlier, I used to sneak to his phone's calendar function & set alarms for buying presents. 30 days before Birthday: "Wife's birthday coming up. Buy a nice present". Repeat calendar function every week until D-day to ensure "I forgot" can't be an excuse.

But, come D-day, and husband would happily present himself empty-handed.
He: Happy Birthday
Me: Thanks.

....waiting...
nothing
.............waiting...
still nothing
.............................some more waiting...
Negative

By the end of day, I'm a little disappointed & a lot annoyed.....
Me : Do you know A's husband bought her a diamond bracelet on her birthday?
He : So?
Me : You never buy me anything
He : Whaa-aaat? Why would you want me to buy you stuff?
Me : Well it is my birthday today
He : So? Ok, Come here, I'll give you a much better present. I'll give you a kiss
Me : A kiss! I don't want a kiss! I want a present.
He : A present? You can buy whatever you want - why drag me into it?
Me : Because all the other husbands buy their wives stuff & then I feel jealous
He : Oh, you know men buy wives presents when they are having an affair. Guilty conscience!!
Me : ALL my friends husbands are having an affair ALL the time?
He : Well, its a depraved world out there !
Me : Never mind, you buy me stuff to show me you love me.
He : But I dont!
Me : Just pretend you do
He : Ok, ok....but why would a strong, confident woman like you wait for a mere man to give her stuff...its sooo "weak"
Me : I don't care. I want to be weak. I just want something on my birthday. Put in the effort of buying me something. But remember, I have to like it !
He : Don't be silly. If I buy it, how can you like it? Its an oxymoron
Me : Mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously, I don't like to tell people this (at least not the snooty ones - No, you aren't stuck-up. You can'e be - look at you, you're as pathetic as me! I write sidey blogs; and you're reading it). So, anyway, after a while I decided I just can't wait around for husband to be buying me presents. I had to do something -----

Lately,
Me (gleefully) : Husband, thank you! You bought me a really nice present for Valentines
He : What did I buy? What did I buy ?
Me : You bought me a Purse.
He (anxiously) : Wow! Did I spend a lot of money?
Me (determinedly) : Of course you did! Purses (or diamonds) dont come cheap. Its branded and limited edition. You really went through a lot of effort to get it for me.
He : Really! Wife likes it ? I'm happy! Can I see it ?
Me : Of course. See, its beautiful, I love it !!!! You really know what I like !
He (full of it) : I do have good taste, dont I?
Me (also full of it) : Yes you do, you married me, didn't you. Here's the credit card receipt. Don't forget to pay the bill. Its due next week ! Thank you hubband !
He : Happy Valentines Day
Me : You too

...and we live happily ever after

My husband's KRAs

2009-02-05T12:15:00.003+08:00

It is the new year. Every year, in the beginning of the year, companies make the employees think about their goals and the Key Result Areas (or KRAs) that would be used for measuring their performance at the work place.

I've decided that I too need to assess my husband's performance. The following are the KRAs that shall now apply to him with immediate effect. Of course he doesn't know it (No, he doesn't read my blog!!!!). Go thru' it. Tell me if you want to make additions to it; but if you're planning to use it, don't feel free because I need royalties.

Section 1 : Work Life Balance

1. No. of days he came home at 6:00pm or before
Total no. of days worked

2. No. of days he brought work home

3. No of days of travel
a. No of days of travel to interesting places where wife wasn't taken
b. No of instances of travel when wife didn't get anything interesting

4. No. of extra hours that he did office work while at home

5. No. of official phone calls he attended while on "home" time

Section 2: Quality Time with wife
This can be measured by the following surrogate measures -
1. No of birthdays/ anniversaries / important days missed
Fine Print : Important days = Anniversaries of the day we met, day we saw our first movie together, day he gave me our first flower, day he met my dad, day he met the rest of my family, day he met my aunt twice removed, day we had sex for the 1st time, day we had sex for the 100th time, the last time we had sex, the first time we had a fight, day we made up, day we left for our first holiday and whatever else he thinks was special

2. No of lunches and dinners he took wife too

3. No of presents he bought for wife.
Note : Special bonus for buying diamonds

4. No. of days he babysat the kids while wifey went shopping

5. No of days of work he bunked office to come spend time with wife

6. No. of vacations taken per year.
a. No of vacations taken per year with wife + kids
b. No of vacations taken per year with wife alone

Section 3: Financial Performance
1. Amount earned very month -often also known as Monthly take-home salary

2. Net increase in salary
a. % increase in salary Year on Year (YOY)
b. % increase in salary for every year of marriage

3. Amount of money spent by wife shopping
a. Gross Amount spent by wife shopping this year
b. % increase in shopping amounts YOY

c. Amount of money wife spent without having husband give her weird looks

Section 4: Display of Love

1. No. of times he said "I love you" even though wife was NOT holding a gun to his head

2. No of massages given to wife per month

3. No of phone calls that wife made to husband per day that were not returned

4. No of poems written per year in praise of wife

5. No of sudoku print-outs brought per unit week

6. No of print-outs of airplanes / trains & other colouring pages brought for kids

==================End of Patience to make any more ===============

25 things about me

2009-01-30T18:55:00.010+08:00

For those of my friends who aren't on facebook; this is an entry I posted there as a result of being tagged. I am supposed to write 25 facts about myself.

Since I'm such an interesting person, here's > 25 things about me. Incidentally, though these facts are all true; for all practical purposes, they are absolutely irrelevant to everyone else...

I was quite a nerd in school. oh, those wasted years...But still, I knew about movies and gossip more than books.
I grew up all over India. The good part is that I saw lots & made lots of friends. The sad part is that I have no childhood friends
I never dated anyone other than my current (and hopefully, only) husband
I want to get myself tattoo-ed, but sadly, I lack the courage.
I read. I can read everything and anything. As a teenager, i read dictionary when I was bored. Now, I read Books, magazines, papers, instruction manuals. Menus (aah, nice!). I have a weakness for cheesy romance novels. I can't go to bed at night unless I read something or do a sudoku/crossword.
I can talk a person to death. I could never understand why that should be a problem, till my 5-year old started talking to me.
I married my husband hoping he'll be rich. As it turns out, he married me for the same reason
I'm shit scared of drowning & of water. I've spent the last 6 months trying to learn how to swim, and I still can't
I used to be a morning person; but somewhere along I stopped being that. Now I can barely open my eyes until I'm prodded awake by my husband or sons or both.
I can feed my kid, take him for a pee pee, cuddle, read him a story, whatever in the middle of the night while being asleep
I believe in god, but not in religion
I'm bothered when I see participants in reality shows ask for votes based not on their talent, but where they come from.
I have a fabulous relationship with my parents, though I sometimes wish I was closer to my eldest brother
I don't have any favourites - in books, movies, music, colour, nothing. I don't think anyone needs to be pigeon-holed like that
I really like myself. I think I'm a very likeable person...I also like to laugh, a lot. Mostly, I laugh at myself.
I can't drink alcohol - in any form. i think it tastes yucky. It beats me how people can enjoy it so much
I wish I could sing or draw. I really really want to; but I can't - for nuts.
I think the secret to world peace is tolerance...I am often shocked at how intolerant the world is slowly becoming; and worry about how it will be when my kids grow up. 40 years ago, Afghanistan & Iran were both free, tolerant,independent & thriving ...look at them now
I feel Man is a parasite of the worst kind
I love food; any food, as long as its vegetarian. I especially love desserts.
I think I started travelling too late. I want to travel more, see more, and some more. I am looking for donors to this cause.
I think my kids are secretly Chinese. I'm sure they'll marry Chinese girls when they grow up. That's why I'm learning Mandarin.
I desperately miss working.
I can text message really really fast. You'll be surprised.
I love to shop. I'm only constrained by money, never by energy.
I'm very opinionated. I can give an opinion on almost anything
I don't know a thing about make up. I also don't know a thing about rocket science

Bonus Note: I just started writing. I never knew I had it in me. I love it, but am learning that its difficult to write if I'm given a storyline or framework

My learning experience

2009-01-30T00:34:00.003+08:00

I had a big learning experience today.

It all started like this....Every once in a while, I start getting very jittery and insecure about my looks (well, I AM a woman, and this proves it!) So today I landed up at the salon to get my unruly locks into some semblance of order. Normally, I do so by getting the damn thing cut; but I guess something I had eaten had probably addled my brain, so I signed up for a session of permanently straightening my hair.

I coined a new explanation for torture today. Torture = 3 hours of sitting in the salon while the stylist applies some awful smelling gooey stuff to your hair, then wait till the smell has permeated to every cell in your body, then wash it, then blow dry it, then apply something else, then wait, then wash, then iron, then apply something more, then wait, and then wash..... all while you pretend to enjoy it. Well I was tortured today, and if it had continued any longer, I swear to god - I would have killed myself or my hair stylist.

While I was smiling through this experience, I needed something to do. So I found some magazines. I flipped through them & felt a major attack of inferiority complex coming up. There's so much I'm woefully unequipped to deal with. I thought I knew all the answers; but today was the day of reckoning, of learning; and of being humbled -

which is the best mascara (err...black?)
how should you choose make-up (....choose whether you wear it or not?)
how to keep your hands supple & soft (....you mean hands can be soft & supple?)
how to please your man in bed (...lie down ?)
how to make the bed (...you mean you don't just put a sheet on it ?)
how to rear a emotionally well rounded child (....is there one in this world, look at me AND my friends)
how to get stains off your sofa (...hmmm...try not sit on it?)
which designer clothes to buy (ahmmm...hmmm...hmmm! okay, okay, I don't know this one; but then its not my fault - my husband never made enough money)
how to wear pink & green (together).... (eeessshhh.... I don't want to!)

....and so on...

Man, there's a lot that you don't learn through Engineering & an MBA and then 8 years of consulting. My education has been so incomplete all these years; and no one told me about it...

Obviously this was just too much for my miniscule brain to take in one go. Feeling very morose, I flipped over some pages, only to land up on the section on Tell us your Dirty Secrets. Now this wasnt a section I was going to gloss over. No, no, no, a mature mind like me is always thirsty to learn more. So here's what I learnt are some people's dirty secrets-

- My husband is a male prostitute
- I made my sister my husband's concubine
- I caught my father-in-law molesting our maid
- We walk naked in our house on Sunday

My middle class morality said - Wow ! What education ! What learning ! What pillars of journalism !

....and then they want us to raise emotionally well rounded children....

Praise

2009-01-28T16:17:00.006+08:00

After I started writing, I sent samples of my writing to some folks asking their opinion. From almost all quarters, i got positive reviews (ya, I'm full of it, aren't I). So gleefully, I land up to hubby....
Me: hubband, me getting good reviews, lah !
He: Well, what did you expect? you sent it to all your friends
Me: So...
He: You think they have a unbiased opinion?
Me: Why not? What do you think of my writing?
He: After being married to you, do you think I can give you an unbiased opinion?
Me: Cut the crap. Is it good or is it bad?
He: Well.....now that you want me to tell you...
Me: I accept only good reviews
He: Ask me no questions and you shall hear no lies
Me : Bah ! I don't want to know

....Is Praise appreciation? Is Praise admiration ? Or is Praise completely USELESS

What men want

2009-01-27T09:45:00.008+08:00

After 8 odd years of marriage, I've finally discovered what men want. No, it isn't sex...though obviously that's always welcome..but I'm going to write about that another time.

After men get older, get married & have children (ha, ha ha suckers !!!), what these poor folks crave for is a good night's rest. Apparently its not so easy to get. I'm not surprised. Why, even in our family, our favorite game is musical beds. Yes, we play it every night. First Akrit & Neil go to sleep in their bed; and husband & I in ours. Then Neil calls out in the middle of the night (typically 1 am) - Mummy! tum here... neil wan' water / kaka / pee-pee / thomething. I get up, we have water / food /do pee pee or thomething; & then I find neil in my bed, usually between husband & me.
By 3 am its Akrit's turn. Ma! Ma ! Come here ! Right now ! I'm having a bad dream ! Scold bhagwanji (bhagwanji= god), tell him to give me good sapnas (sapna= dream). So I get up to go cuddle with Akrit, leaving Neil with hubband.
By 4 am, Neil has kicked husband for maybe the nth time (n tends to infinity by husband's accounts the next morning; but is probably 2 or 3 in reality); so husband moves to Akrit's bed. Of course, since I'm still there, its a tad crowded, so Akrit decided to leave & go to sleep with Neil in the big bed.
By 6 am, the kids have started fighting in their sleep. Daddddyyyyy, mmaaaaaa. Wake up, bhaiya pushing.... but neil hit me first & so on.... By 7, we're all up, kids happy; and us with dark black clouds looming on our heads...

Incidentally, if you lost track, that's what we call the game of Musical beds... Since this seemed to happen very often, I was concerned. Since this was a situation that didnt seem to have a cure, I thought of giving my husband a treat....so I looked for the next best thing that men could want.

I spoke to men, lots of men (...of course I had fun. What made you think otherwise!) ; and I figured that what they would never say no to are time-outs.

Time outs, you ask? Yes, time outs. Time out = a state when you're banished to your room & during that time no one is allowed to talk to you. Yeah, even I thought that time-out is a sort of punishment. My kids just hate it. Who wouldn't ? imagine, being left alone? not being allowed to talk? But men, no they just love it !
Men are quite strange creatures, I find. I mean, why would one want to escape a noisy, nagging, talkative wife, squabbling kids, constant jumps on the tummy while he's relaxing, the perpetual noise from the squeaky voices of mickey mouse, barney & thomas & dora & little einsteins while he's trying to read, the loving calls of dadddddy while he's watching a movie.... Why would anyone want to sit by the pool to enjoy the breeze, to watch the clouds go by with a chilled beer in his hand, while he tries to work out what's the best place to take a nap....all this fails me, you know...Its just so darn unnatural...
But then I believe men are from Mars, so this must be a martian thing. Then I learned something new - Men like two elements of time - one, time out (but we've talked about that already) and two, the Time magazine. With my huge research (with a sample size = 1 husband, mine), I discovered - Give a man both the times - a time out to read Time.......And, ooohh, baby, you hit the jackpot - you many as well go and shop for a big, big rock...

So ladies, pick up a new issue of the Time magazine, and get your shopping lists ready. See you at one utama

Who is Kaka

2009-01-23T19:02:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure if you know who is kaka...so I thought I must introduce you to her. Officially she's my maid; but, I think of her as my wife... You object? Why? Because I'm a woman? So?

...Am I gay?
No, I'm not ! Very happily straight. You people!

...Women don't have wives ?
Why not? Can't understand this? OK let me explain this in another way...

I have a young woman in my house - she cooks for me, she cleans for me, she takes care of the kids while I'm away....She greets me with a smile when I get home, ; gives me a hot cuppa tea (or coffee, depending...) when I've had a hard day. She gives me what I need (No, NO, NO! please don't let that brain of yours run away with all those naughty thoughts... chi chi, what is this, huh?) In a lot of cultures, including India, a person who does that for you is often tagged "wife".

See, that makes her my wife

You will admit that some people secretly worry about their wives leaving them for better prospects. You know, I totally empathize. I feel the same way - what if she goes away? What will i do? Anyone will be lucky to have her...so why is she still with me? Do I make her happy, Do I get her enough, Does she like me, Is she comfortable with me?

My life will fall apart if she leaves me... how will I manage the house, the cooking, the cleaning, the kids? Oh God, no, no no ! Please don't let that happen ! I need her, the kids need her....

Well.... reality is, I don't know why she's with me. I'm just happy that she is...

My kids adore her. She takes care of them, she plays with them. She kisses their scratches better & makes the monsters go away. She gives the kids love & consoles them when the grown-ups yell at them. She cooks their favorite food, she breaks up fights & slips in a small treat every once in a while. When no one's home, the kids know they're still safe & secure because kaka's there to look after them.

So yes, that makes kaka my wife - It may not be legal but....I DON'T CARE. I'm really glad I have her; for however long she's content to be with me...

And, what will I do when she goes away?
Well, I'll be angry, I'll be hurt, I'll shout and cry "why me, god; why me?" I'll think about the good times we had; and think about what I did wrong... I'll sit & discuss the situation with my girlfriends; may be, get drunk & foolish, fight with Alok & blame him. Soon people will tell me that it wasn't meant to be... They'll shy away from discussing it any more & stop wanting to babysit a teary-eyed me...

... And then slowly, I'll pull my life together...till one day, I realize I'm okay...
Soon, I'll go out, talk to an agent and get another one....

I start blogging

2009-01-23T12:20:00.000+08:00

After 2 years of having absolutely nothing to do, I've decided to turn a new leaf. It is the new year, Obama has taken over & the world is looking brighter. Though what Obama's taking over has to do with me, I can't explain; but then everyone feels hopeful, so maybe I should too....

So I've decided I should do something new. I looked for a job, found none; tried spending time with the kids, and they shooshed me away (ma! go away ! I'm playing!)...Where do I escape to, except the internet. Friend suggests blogging. I say, about what ! They say, Just do it!

Just do it, huh? Husband often asks, so what did wife do today? hmmm... writing sounds different from "nothing much" ....and it cant be too difficult, right? I did write letters when I was 10...

So I'm all set...I've taken a bath, cooked some sweets (you have to look your best & have food ready, in case people insipred by your blog come knocking by)..and get down to serious work...

Now what shall I write about?hmmm... Think think think

....and the bell rings...its the courier - madam, can sign here, ah? please write IC number....oh pen! sorry lah, i forgot. can borrow, ah?
Ca-aaan! I donate a pen....

I still cant figure out what to write so I decide to pick up my 2 year old from the nursery. We get back, and he's like -Ma? kaka where? neil show kaka butterfly. Ma wants to see the butterfly too, doll; but no no no - first viewing rights belong to the girl friend! So I dutifully reunite him with the love of his life...

With Neil now (hopefully) occupied, I sit down & think. I'm sitting, thinking and after 30 minutes; I'm getting thunked out. All I can think of is - what to think about? I do think strangely, dont I? Thankfully kaka arrives- Mum, you still wanting thai curry tomorrow? But don' have lime lif! how to make ?

And, with amazing timing, the phone rings too...its hubby dear - Wi-ife, did we pay the kids fees; and by the way, how much was it?

Finally, I understand ! God is telling me something - I'm not supposed to do any thinking, and definitely not any writing... I should stick to what I do best - nothing much. So here I am eating the gulab jamuns I made this morning (hmmm... hmmm....nice) and doing - nothing much

Who Me ?

1999-01-01T22:02:00.001+08:00

30 something, out-of-work woman living in Kuala Lumpur; with more time than money; which I misuse to write about stuff that is utterly, totally and completely irrelevant to other people's lives.

I used to work in the Corporate world. From what you've read above, I guess you know that's past tense now. I desperately miss working; but am told by my friends (who incidentally are all employed) that this life stage is better.

As a result, I am supposedly happy to be out of "the race to nowhere"; and now keep myself occupied as a slave to 1 husband & 2 boys. I also keep scouring my posts greedily for comments from readers. Do me a favour, and leave a note. A pat on the back or a fair criticism - I'm ready for both.

Musings in KL

An ode to my dad

A Saturday out of my life

** I did this post a good 6 months ago on my facebook. For some reason, I haven't shifted it to the blog. Better late then never...so here it is**

An ode to my boss

Questions Questions

Looking through the Crystal Ball

Trouble Ahead

Books are the bane of my life

Time...

CEO spake

Surprise

Did I finish?

Plans for the weekend

Thank You

Is your Car a Cow ?

Jealousy

Rain

What happened ?

To go back or not ?

Huh ?

A little less than a Stranger?

How does a balloon deflate ?

Dr, why ?

Fell off the wagon

Made bread

Perspectives

Memories

Tenacity

Packing for a typical road trip

CEO spake

Desires

A demanding life

What I'm reading now?

Silver Linings

Names for my kids

MJ's Funeral

Nothing to say?

No activity lately?

I don't understand

Violent Thoughts

Having Kids

Why Marriage?

A huge swing

Why...

There go my hopes!

How...

Talk about Sensitivity

New Look

Don't worry about my feelings

Back

My mood today

A mid-year assessment

My solo trip.

What's with friends ?

Wondering

I'm back

Did they tell you this before you had the kids

Preparations for going "home"

Off to Mummy, Yay!!!

My dad made my day

Here I am

Why me?

Mommy Guilt

Blogs are interesting things

Yet another side of me

The Comments worketh again

I have a new signature

I have time to think

Is anyone jealous of me

Who am I?

I read this recently

My Besan Laddoo success story

Are you happy now?

My son has RED toenails

I don't like you

I'm cranky today

I can't write

The New Look

Yes, I joined the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women

I did this post a good 6 months ago on my facebook. For some reason, I haven't shifted it to the blog. Better late then never...so here it is